Point for Team Oldroyd!

The other night when the docs started treating John for suspected infection, we asked, "Could it possibly be because of the immunizations he got two days ago? We read apnea could flare up following immunizations". Thats right, we read it in a book which just so happens to be written by a neonatologist. Of course we're not doctors, so they immediately said "No, it wouldn't be from that." Then to make sure we knew we were wrong, they called us back a bit later to say there was bacteria in his urine sample. The following day his nurse also said "I don't think he has an infection, I think it's from his immunizations. His blood work is a bit funny but it shows that his immune system is doing what it should be doing." When I asked her about the bacteria in his urine, she rolled her eyes and said it really didn't indicate anything and that the sample was likely contaminated which is fairly common. She then advocated for us to get him off these heavy duty antibiotics they have him on. They we going to do one more blood test then stop antibiotics.

The blood test the next morning came back "funky", as they put it, and they decided to do one more. After that one came back looking strange too, they decided he must have an infection since the white cell counts were off. They decided to keep him on 7-10 days of antibiotics. Unfortunately they couldnt decide exactly how long they wanted to do them for because they couldn't locate the infection and he has been showing no symptoms. He was actually improving respiratory wise, which doesn't happen with an infection. They decided to do one more blood test the next day.

Well, yesterday they did the test which was still looking strange, and all of his cultures were still negative for infection. The docs sat around baffled during rounds until one piped up "Do you think it's from his immunizations on Friday?" Then they all had a major "Aha!" moment, decided he didn't have an infection after all, stopped his antibiotic treatment, and patted themselves on the back before moving on to the next baby.

I was seriously speechless, and that rarely happens.

Well, baby is doing much better today and just needs to work on feeding before he can go home. It will be at least a week or two, hopefully not much longer. I just need to protect him from the infection-diagnosing-happy docs since every time they treat him for a phantom infection, it sets him back about a week. He can latch, but it takes him a while to do it. He gets really frustrated and wastes a lot of energy trying to wrestle me while I'm trying to get his head and hands in the right places. This boy is still small at 5 lbs 8 oz, but man is he strong! Sometimes it takes both me and the OT to get him under control. He just needs some practice and I just need some patience. He does well once he can relax and focus. Thankfully he has the suck, swallow, and breathe reflex down since thats a big preemie hurdle. He took his first bottle last night and did really well. It also didn't make him want to nurse any less this morning so that's a bonus! In fact I think it helped him, since it teaches the "if I suck, my belly will get full" lesson we desperately need him to learn. John and I are going to stay at the hotel up the road for the weekend so I can be available around the clock to practice. I hope it does the trick!!!

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Blasted doctors!

Since John's last infection false alarm, we've been dealing with apnea and feeding issues. He's 37 weeks and should be showing more interest in feeding. Then, he has been holding his breath when he should be off his oxygen support by now.

He has eaten twice and has done really well both times so I know he knows how to do it. He took 30 ml the other day when his full feed is 40 ml 75% is exactly where he needs to be. Unfortunately he's supposed to be eating several times a day. Instead, he sleeps through the feeds. It is the most frustrating experience I've ever gone through.

The apnea issues are even more concerning. His heart rate doesn't drop so theyre not the typical A and B spells that come with prematurity. Something is causing him to do this. They thought he was sick so they gave him antibiotics only to have all tests come back fine. Then they thought it might be seizures but his head ultrasound came back fine (thankfully they didn't make him have the MRI, since they'd have to sedate and intubate him to do it). John and I keep telling everyone that we think he's just overstimulated but they keep discounting our opinions.

We reached a breaking point last night when they decided to treat him for infection again though test results really show no indication. They told us they were going to stop feeding him, and were going to do urine, blood, and spinal cultures again. John kept insisting they at least feed him, and thankfully they listened to that part. When questioned about their reasoning they give BS answers such as "we dont think the apnea is because of overstimulation because he had several episodes today when nothing was happening." This is complete horseshit because I spent 8 hours with him before they made this decision and every single episode was initiated by something--from having his position changed, or even from straining to poop. Then when we try to tell them our point of view and everything we've observed, they just get backed into a corner but do what they want anyway. I'm sick of these docs thinking they can pull the wool over our eyes because they assume we're like 75% of the other NICU parents who are hardly present. They need to listen to us because we've spent the most time with him. They always say they want the parents to be involved, and say the parents are the experts, but whenever we try to share our thoughts they try to find excuses as to why our ideas aren't the cause.

So this morning John was all over the place with apnea. The OT came to check him out. I really like her...I call her the baby whisperer. She observed his behavior in his crib and when I tried to feed him. She says he is acting really agitated and anxious and that he's not falling asleep when I try to feed him, he's playing possum because he's too overwhelmed. She says he doesnt like being touched and isn't trusting anybody when theyre handling him. She listened to my theories and 100% agreed with me. She doesnt think his apnea is a medical issue, she thinks it's psychological. The feeding issues seem to be related. She is going to develop a care plan for him, and is going to work with us for the next few days to see how he responds. She advised that I do skin-to-skin more to see if that helps him feel more comfortable. We haven't done much of it since he started feeding training because we're always just working on eating.

I held him skin to skin for 4 hours today and he did not have any apnea spells. When 2 o'clock (feeding time) rolled around he was wide awake and started rooting so we tried eating again. He didn't eat a ton, but he gave it a good effort and ate 10 ml before falling asleep.

The docs are going to stop antibiotics tomorrow unless one of his cultures comes back with growth. For now it appears to be another false alarm. In the meantime I have to snuggle my naked baby close and try to calm him down since he's so freaked out by all of these procedues they've been doing.

I'm so mad at his doctors right now, I could scream!

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It's Crunch Time!

Words cannot describe the mess we've had to put up with in the last few days.  It turns out that John was never sick, and unfortunately we have no idea what caused the ordeal in the first place.

Here's what happened:  His temperature dropped, his digestion slowed, and then he started having more apnea.  They put him on a warming bed, stopped his feedings, shoved a big tube down into his belly for 3 days, ran tests, gave him IVs until all of his good veins were gone, and threatened to run more tests.  His tests for infection (the likely culprit of it all) came back negative.  He was requiring more and more stimulation to come out of his apnea and oxygen desaturation fits, and was twitching a little in his sleep.  Fearing that he was having seizures, they ordered an MRI and were going to transport him over to Primary Children's Hospital for it yesterday morning.

Here's what I think was going on:  He was having a bad day.  He swallows a lot of air, and some nurses have not been venting out his belly after each feeding (they don't get burped yet).  His belly swelled up, he was in pain, and then he had a hard time keeping his temperature up.  After they vented out the air, he was feeling better, and became uber responsive to the crap they were doing to him.  I could see how badly he was in pain with the IVs and venting tube.  Sick babies are too sick to care about these things, but John was pissed!  He was holding his breath and twitching because he was in distress, and when the nurse was stimulating him right away it made him even more upset.  After they pulled out the tube and started feeding him again, he was still desatting, but that blasted nurse was still jumping the gun and pounding him on the back every time he started dropping.  I finally told her to leave him alone and that he'd pull out of it on his own, and I was right.  Within a day, and after getting a different nurse, he was feeling much better.  They dressed him and put him back in his bed, and they bumped him right up to his full feedings.  He has been doing fantastic ever since.  Now my views are not based on any medical training whatsoever, but I have a pretty strong feeling about it.  I know my baby way better than the ever revolving staff.

Because of his improvement, they cancelled the MRI at the last minute and ordered another brain ultrasound for this Thursday.  If anything looks off, they'll go ahead with an MRI.  They did a chest xray to make sure his heart and lungs look good since he's still on a tiny bit of oxygen at 36 weeks (this is usually when they don't need oxygen anymore).  Everything looks clear on that.  He is still getting a little chilly in his crib, but the nurses are good at bundling him way up to keep him from getting too cold.  Low body temperature can be catastrophic...first their digestion stops, and everything else goes downhill from there.  I honestly don't know if he's really getting cold.  They take his temperature in his armpits, but he always has his arms up over his head so they tend to be cooler than they should be.  They do the temporal scanner or a rectal temp, and his temp is always fine.  Then the nurses sit and debate over which temperature location should be the most accurate.  It's totally frustrating.

So now that he's feeling better, we're back where we left off--nursing training.  Yesterday he pretty much slept through his 11:00 feeding, and was too sleepy to do much during the 2:00.  He thinks it's funny to just have it in his mouth and not have to work.  He opens up for it, smiles a bunch once he has it, then goes to sleep.  I don't blame him, he has no idea that he needs to get his own food since he's been fed through a tube for 2 months.  The occupational therapist wants me there for more feedings each day since I'm usually only there for the 11:00 feeding.  I agree, since it's going to be impossible for him to learn just practicing once a day, but it is really difficult to be there more because of the other two kids.  I think I have it worked out for the next few weeks so I can be there for 3 feedings, and hopefully that's all we'll need.  The trick is to be there in the evening since he has decided that 5:00 is the time to be wide awake.  Big John went to visit him last night, and sure enough he was wide awake and had been playing in a bouncy seat like a big boy. 

It's going to be a rough few weeks for me.  I was finding it hard to be there for more than 4 hours, and now I'm going to be hanging around from 10:00-6:00.  I pray I can keep what is left of my sanity, and my husband and kids can hang in there without me around as much (and my crabbiness when I am there).  We all just have to focus on the goal though.  We want this baby home!

I Always Speak Too Soon

Well, here we are again with a sick baby :-(

Yesterday morning John and I showed up to the NICU, excited for another day of feeding training.  We were walking up to his area of the room, and there was a naked baby on a warming bed next to an empty crib.  I was thinking "Hmmm. Where have they moved John to now?" only to find that John was the little naked baby when I got close enough to see his face.  My heart totally sank.

His body temp was cool, and wouldn't raise when his nurse bundled him up. He was also fairly lethargic. Then he had a grade 3 A & B, which means he stopped breathing and his heart slowed down, and he wouldn't respond to the nurse to come out of it.  She had to use CPAP to get him back to normal.  These are signs of illness, so they did some blood work.  They didn't find anything wrong, so they decided the A & B episode may have just been because he had aspirated some milk.  The NNP said we would treat him normally until he gave us more signs.  They let me hold him for a few hours, and he stayed warm because of my body heat.  When I got him dressed and put him back in his crib, he unfortunately cooled right back down.  I also noticed that his belly seemed to be bigger than normal, which is another sign of illness.  They put him back in the warming bed, stopped his feedings, put a big tube down into his belly to vent, started antibiotics just to be safe, and ran a battery of tests.

This morning we showed up and he was still in his warming bed with the big tube still venting his belly, and had an IV in his foot.  He was super fussy and just looked incredibly uncomfortable.  He seemed gassy and kept straining to push it out, and was sucking on the tube because he's starving.  The docs rounded on him and said they couldn't find anything wrong so far.  His blood work and belly xrays look normal, and nothing has come back from the urine/blood/spinal cultures they did last night.  They're going to wait a few more days to see if the cultures grow, but since he's on antibiotics and still on the antifungals from his last infection, they think the illness will be gone really quickly if anything shows up.  They're going to do another xray in the morning, and hopefully if that still looks good they'll pull out the tube and start feeding him again.  I'm praying he gets over this quickly.  Other than some mild oxygen desaturations, his breathing is very stable.  He's still at just 1 liter on a regular cannula, and isn't having a hard time breathing like he did the last two times he got sick.

Needless to say, we're really bummed.  It's frustrating that he keeps getting sick.  I'm terrified to take him home since I'm worried I won't be able to detect these illnesses.  I'm also scared he's going to have a big A & B like that when he's napping and I won't notice until it's too late.  Am I going to have to constantly stare at him to make sure he's breathing?  I also can't stop wondering how he's getting sick in the first place.  Is it me?  Did I give him something I didn't know I had?  Did I not scrub my hands hard enough before touching him?  I know he's living in a germy hospital, and that it's probably not my fault, but I'm still worried.

At least it's almost the weekend.  The kids will be with their other parents so I can spend a lot of time at the hospital.  Hopefully I can find a spare minute to do at least one fun thing.  I'm getting burned out!

One More Month!?!

I feel like I'm slowly going crazy.  How can a crazy person go crazy, you ask?  Give them a preemie baby.  On one hand, everything is great and time is flying by with Little John making so much progress.  On the other hand, every day seems to drag on and on and it feels like he's never going to come home.  I have bad moments where I can't tell if I'm stressed, exhausted, depressed, or all three.  Then before I know it, everything turns back around and I'm a-ok and ready to take on another week.  I don't know how much longer I can take this NICU business.  Unfortunately they say to plan on his due date for discharge, and that is exactly one month away.

The little guy is doing really well.  He has moved into his new digs in Room 6, which is one of the rooms the babies go to when they're getting ready to go home.  He has one of the best spots in the room, with a window near his crib so I can at least see some sunlight during the day.  The feel is a lot different from room 2.  Rooms 5 and 6 adjoin so it's a huge room that can fit around 10 babies, and there are three babies to each nurse.  There are usually several other parents there while we're there.  Previously, he had just one roommate and that baby's mom never visited (how sad).  During my visit, it would be just me and the nurse which was fun when it was a cool nurse, and awkward when it wasn't.  Now in his new room I at least feel like I have more control as a parent.  I pull up a rocking chair and hold my little baby as often as I want.  I have brought in the clothes we bought him so he can wear his own things.  I also bring in the crocheted blanket I made him each day so we can snuggle in his own blanket.  Pics of his family hang on the wall next to his crib so he has something to look at when he's awake.  If he can't be home yet, I want it to feel as much like home as possible.

He has been maintaining his body temperature pretty well since he moved to the crib and is continuing to gain weight.  Right now he comes in at a hefty 4 lbs 7 oz.  He is also doing better and better with his breathing.  They weaned his high-flow cannula down to 1 liter, and he has tolerated that well for a few days.  Today after we left for the day, they were switching him to the regular cannula that plugs directly into the wall.  This is a HUGE accomplishment for him.  He can essentially come home if he's ready with the regular cannula, we would just work on weaning down the oxygen over a few weeks afterward.  I can't wait to get to the hospital in the morning and see how he looks with the new cannula, and less equipment hanging around his crib.

So this all means that the little guy just has to learn to eat so he can come home.  We practiced all week last week, and John and I stayed at the Marriott a few blocks away over the weekend so I could work with him at as many feedings as possible.  He did really well--in less than a week he was opening his mouth on his own, latching, and starting to suck.  I was excited to show the occupational therapist his progress.  Unfortunately little JWO gets performance anxiety because both yesterday and today he decided to sleep and play during feeding time, instead of nurse.  I know he can do it, the trick is just going to be scheduling.  I can only be at the hospital during the 11:00 am feeding during the week because of the other kids school schedules, so if he doesn't feel like nursing, there's not much I can do about it.  I'm going to spend a lot of time at the hospital this weekend to see if we can get in more practice. 

We are pretty much all ready for him to come home.  We've attended the mandatory discharge class and learned infant CPR, which I pray we'll never have to use.  I've spent what little free time I've had amassing baby gear and washing his little clothes.  This week we finally got a stroller and car seat.  All I need now is a rocker/recliner so I have something comfy to sit and sleep in during midnight feedings.  If anyone has a comfy old La-Z-Boy, send it my way. I'll give you a cheeseburger.

I know a lot of you read this blog.  Several times a week I find out about new readers, and I'm glad there are people out there paying attention to my rambling.  John and I thank you very much for your support.  When the baby comes home, we unfortunately have to keep him quarantined for a few weeks to months (depends on his doctor's advice) because his immune system isn't up to par with a full-term baby.  Since we didn't get to throw the co-ed baby shower bbq we had been planning, we're going to throw a party for him this summer once he's ready to start meeting people.  We're thinking of having it at the officer's club at Camp Williams so we have plenty of room to hang, bbq, and swim.  It should be epic!

The Hardest Part

Man I'm exhausted and am trying desperately to take a nap but my mind is racing with all that's happened in the last week. I suppose I'll share the details to see if that helps calm my mind.

John's breathing has been insanely good so far this week. His high-flow is at 1.5, and they're talking of weaning him down to 1 tomorrow. If he does well, they'll take him off high flow and put him on the low-flow. Once he weans down on that, he'll be done with oxygen. That may happen at the hospital, or they'll even send him home with oxygen if thats the only thing that's keeping him there.

He is now over 4 pounds, so they've been dressing and swadling him as they've weaned down the temp in his isolette. Today they moved him to a crib to test it out. He needs to keep his body temp up while still gaining weight or he'll have to wait and try it again in a few days. So far he's doing good. It was so strange to see him out in the open, swaddled up like a real baby. It was so hard to leave him today, I just wanted to take him with me!

As long as the breathing and open crib are working for him, we have one last hurdle before he can come home--learning to eat. Unfortunately I'm being told this is the hardest part since they leave everything up to the baby. We started Monday. Each day little John and I sit down with the occupational therapist during his 11 am feeding and she walks us through the training. So far it consists of getting him comfortably in position, and waiting for him to root. He needs to get used to putting something new in his mouth on his own terms, which can be hard because of the negative sensations he's had in his mouth from the medical procedures. We havent made a lot of progress so far. He tries it a few times before getting tired and falling asleep, then training is over. Today we didnt even get to try since he was too sleepy to show any interest at all. Now I need to see if I can be at the hospital for other feeding times to see if I can catch him wake, which will be really difficult because of the other kids' school schedules. *Sigh*

Basically this is the part where all the parents lose their sanity. He looks, sounds, and acts like a real baby so it's natural to want to take him home now. Spending several more weeks learning to eat at a snails pace is a common breaking point. I've done pretty well until now, so I think we can tough it out for another month or so, but I suppose we shall see!

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Right on Schedule!

Over the past few weeks I've been hearing about approximate dates for milestones in little John's development.  While the nurses and doctors are adamant that every baby is different and things can happen sooner or later, we've been looking forward to these dates as goals.  When he got sick a few weeks ago, I was really bummed because he had been doing so well.  I was certain we would be set back weeks.  It was impossible to imagine that things would do a complete 180 so quickly.  Well, not wanting to disappoint his mama, my boy has been working overtime to make sure he hits these dates--I'm so completely blown away with his progress!

Last night John and I went to visit him, and I was a bit nervous when he was really warm when I took his temperature...then I learned that's a good thing!  His temperature in isolette was automatically adjusting based on a temperature probe in his armpit.  Because he is getting fatter--he's now 3 lbs 13 oz and has shed the excess water weight--the probe is becoming less accurate so this control function doesn't work well.  The nurse switched the isolette over to manual control, and they're now starting to wean the temp down to room temperature.  Right now his isolette is 32 degrees celsius, and room temp is 28.  As they lower that temperature, they will start dressing him and swaddling him.  When he gets to 28, as long as he's maintaining his body temperature and still gaining weight, they'll move him to his crib!!!  We expect this to happen within the next week or two.

When I showed up today, I took a look at his oxygen levels before peeking in at him.  The dial was at 27% when he's usually 35-45% (sometimes higher).  Then I peeked under the blanket draped over the isolette and saw that he was laying on his back.  This boy hates his back!  The sides of his head are getting flat because he HATES laying on his back.  His oxygen is usually highest in this position, which sucks since we want him to have a nice round head.  Then I looked back at his equipment and saw his high-flow level was down to 2.5 when it was at 4 yesterday (it was 6 last week).  I couldn't believe it so I asked the nurse.  She said they lowered his high-flow to 3 and that the 2.5  must be an accident with the equipment and she bumped it back to 3.  Either way, he was kicking butt at the 2.5 so I'm confident he'll keep weening down in the next few days.

I held him for 2 hours and his oxygen level dropped down to 23%.  When I had to put him back he was pretty upset and fussy about it.  Even then his oxygen only needed to go to 29%.  I positioned him on his back and gave him his binky to calm him down.  His oxygen STILL stayed low, and he just sucked away.  His nurse was so proud of him, she told me that on Monday, as long as he keeps this up over the weekend, she's going to speak to the doctor about starting him on his breast feeding training.  I'm so floored by this.  It's typical to start this around 34 weeks, and today he is 34 weeks on the nose.  If you had asked me a week ago, I never would've guessed that he'd be ready by now.  I know things can change, and he may not be ready on Monday, but he is so close.  I'm getting so excited and nervous, I have to try not to think about it.

When he was first born, I was too scared to buy anything for him.  Now I'm stuck here completely unprepared while he's working so hard to come home.  This weekend that will all be fixed.  It's drill weekend for John, and the kids are visiting their other parents so I have all this time to myself.  Instead of watching movies, eating chocolates, and drinking wine like I usually do, I'm scrubbing the house and buying all the baby gear we'll need.  Next Saturday, John and I are attending the mandatory discharge and CPR class.  Oh my hell, this is really happening!!!

No Stevie Wonder for Me

Here's a bit of trivia for your Wednesday afternoon--Stevie Wonder was born 6 weeks premature and is blind because of ROP, the same eye disease I was worrying about last week.

Well, little John had another eye exam today and I'm happy to say he seems to be in the clear. He still has stage one ROP, but his vessels have grown out to zone 3. Basically there is not enough room left for any abnormal growth to jeopardize his eyesight. They'll check him again in a few weeks just to be sure, but they say we have nothing to worry about. Whew!

They gave him some Lasix yesterday and he lost 3 ounces of excess fluid. He's still a tiny bit swollen today, but he's looking so much better. He is IV free and they're starting to fortify his milk again with extra calories. His oxygen levels are much better today as well. That's the biggest thing he needs to work on now. He needs that oxygen flow to get lower so he can start learning to eat. He's been practicing the sucking and can breathe and suck at the same time really well, we just need him to get swallowing in the mix.

He basically has to do four things before he can come home:

1) Regulate his own body temp--we'll be there in about a week or two.
2) Stop the A's and B's (apnea and slowed heart rate) -- he's only had one episode in the past few days, where he used to have several each day. This typically is outgrown around 36 weeks
3) Be steadily gaining weight -- he's doing good on this one lately
4) Take all his feedings on his own -- this is the big one he needs to learn next

He has come so far in the last 6 weeks, and I'm starting to feel like there may be an end in sight. I'm starting to feel unprepared! I need to clean my house top to bottom, get the carpets cleaned, get my ducts cleaned, wash his new clothes and bedding, buy a car seat, buy a rocker/recliner, buy pretty much every other little baby thing (stroller, diaper bag, bottles, mini fingernail clippers, etc.) that I didn't get to since he came so early, and the list goes on and on.....I'm starting to panic!!!!

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It's Not Just Gas!

I have a few minutes this morning, so before I get chastised for not having a recent update, I'm getting to it! 

My fat little baby is just getting fatter.  He is weighing in at about 3 lb 14 oz right now.  Unfortunately he is really, really swollen from the IV fluids still, so we expect him to lose some ounces in the next few days as they take him off the fluids.  They'll give him a chance to pee it all out before they intervene with a diuretic.  He's just about up to his full feeding level of 29 ml of milk every 3 hours, and things seem to be moving through his digestive system just fine.  I just hope everything stays that way because I don't want him to have to start over again!

His ultrasound on Friday showed that his kidneys are clear of fungus, and all his cultures are coming up clear.  Now the docs are re-reviewing the earlier ultrasounds to make sure that what they saw were actually fungus balls in the first place before they decide how long they'll keep him on anti-fungal meds.  Since he's on full feedings, they can give him the meds orally now so he should be losing his IV in the next day or two.  I'm happy about this since he's been stuck like a pincushion and the only good veins left are in his head.  While I don't mind seeing him with IVs in his head, it's just a bad reminder that he was sick.  Plus, I want him to have a round head, and he's limited in the positions they can lay him in with it there.

He got a new isolette yesterday, and hopefully it's the last one he has to have.  Because he's nearing 4 lbs, he's close to being able to regulate his own body temperature.  Pretty soon they'll start weaning the temperature inside the isolette to match the room air.  After that, he'll be in a crib where I can hold him more often!!!!  I can hardly wait.  It's so hard being limited to holding him for only a few hours every-other day since John and I take turns each day.  Yesterday was my turn, and he loved it!  His oxygen needs go way down when he gets held, which is a sign that he is content.  When that happens, it is really the best feeling in the world, and yesterday was no different.  I got to hold him for just over two hours.  It's crazy how fast sitting in one spot for two hours can fly by.  We just cuddled and napped together for most of it, but the best part was when he was awake.  He would open his eyes, look at me for a few seconds, and then get the biggest grin on his little face.  I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that when babies smile, it's just gas.  I've had gas.  It did not make me smile.  I know that my baby knows me, loves me, and smiles to let me know it.

Since little John is doing so well this week, I am too.  I'm finally hitting the point where I don't need to collapse in exhaustion as soon as I get home.  No more naps for me.  I have more time and energy to devote to work and am ready to start exercising, cooking dinner, and getting my house in order.  It sucks that it took 6 weeks to get here since I had no time to relax and recover, but I suppose it could be worse.

Other than that, everyone else is doing great.  On Saturday the nurses let Marcel and Sascha sneak into a back hall of the NICU and peek at their brother through a window as I held him up out of his isolette.  The smiles on their faces were priceless!  Hopefully this will tide them over for another month or so until he comes home. 

Yesterday we got word that John will be going back on full-time orders with the guard in the next month.  He's also going to be getting promoted to Sergeant First Class (E7) soon.  We took a big financial hit when his last position ended in October and he had to go back to his civilian job at Geneva.  Then the civilian job had a  layoff, and John had the option of accepting a layoff or relocating to the Layton plant.  He's been driving to Layton every day since, and has been racking up the miles in my poor little Bimmer since it's way too expensive to drive the truck that far.  Then all of this happened with the baby 3 months early, and I'm now temporarily working on a limited basis.  It's been a serious test of faith, but now that he is going back to the guard with a promotion, I know everything is going to be just fine.  Aside from the financial side, I'm so excited that he gets to go back to doing a job that he loves. 

Our family is so blessed!